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The Experience/Book

UPDATE: I wrote what I thought was all of How I Lost All My F-cks in early 2016, even quickly getting myself an agent. It’s been a really crazy time, a lot has changed in the 3.5 years since. Actually, everything has changed. Now without an agent, I’m deep into rewrites of my own direction; transforming the memoir bit of my book (part 1’s “fuckfull to fuckless tale”) into much more than the brief tale I told nearly 4 years ago.

Life is funny.

Please stay tuned, and here’s a preview:

How I Lost All My Fucks is a one-month experience designed to have you losing all yours. I reveal my personal fuckfull to fuckless tale in all of its gory detail: shitfaced teen shenanigans, lessons from jail time, serendipitous magic, and very personal revelations – then I hand it over to you!
GAF defintionYou’ll be learning several meditation styles via a 30-day meditation challenge, teaching you to use your mind in a more beneficial way whilst making it a more enjoyable headspace. You’ll also be accomplishing a series of Fuckless Adventures, which are just as fun as they sound. (And it all can be done in 20 minutes a day, longer if you get creative with it!)

How I Lost All My Fucks aims to be a cathartic emotional rollercoaster after which you will never be the same.  Kind of like doing hallucinogens or having sex for the first time, but no one’s going to talk about how weird skin looks at great lengths, nor get an STD. Stay tuned for info on the release of How I Lost All My Fucks…

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A Halcyon Memory

The summer before I nearly died of congenital B12 deficiency, starting me down a path of an extreme health makeover, I went a workshop for entrepreneurs in hopes of starting my still-someday-goal of owning a community-oriented cafe. Here’s the article they wrote about it, and the video they created:

Espavo = Thank You for Taking Your Power

Have you ever heard of Lemuria? It was an ancient civilization that I feel very connected to, and they were said to have a beautiful greeting, ‘espavo,’ which was used for both ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye.’

This word was to help people re-member their true place in the Universe. Literally translated it means: “Thank you for taking your power”

Isn’t that fierce? I love how it calls one to service as well as being wildly empowering, like – thank you for standing up, being brave, and doing your fucking thing. Thank you for remembering that you are a piece of ‘God.’ Thank you for knowing you belong here and you’ve got shit to do.

GET IT, GET IT, FRIENDS. 🔥

The Best Spiritually-Oriented Books Ever to Ever

There are many paths to spirituality, but I think books might be my very favorite. Here are the books that have touched my heart and helped me find my center:

The Celestine Prophecy, by James Redfield: An epic spiritual adventure! Lots about energy, very fun read.

Way of the Peaceful Warrior, by Dan Millman: Follows one man’s spiritual awakening, and a bromance to last the ages.

Energy Speaks, by Lee Harris: Shares the energetic components of life, and brilliant ways to use them to our advantage.

The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle: Great advice about staying present, such a crucial aspect of this process. All his books are brilliant!

The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz: Focuses on common sense wisdom that is immediately applicable.

Ishmeal, by Daniel Quinn: Centered on our relationship and evolution with the rest of our planet.

Don’t Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle, by Doreen Virtue: Helps sensitives shine by showing us why we stopped.

The Law of Attraction, by Esther and Jerry Hicks: The OG law of attraction, this is where The Secret came from and puts those ideas more in context.

Flatland-A Romance of Many Dimensions, by Edwin A. Abbott: Explores life in 2-D, making 3-D seem realer whilst also making you wonder about what’s next.

Monkey, by Wu Ch’eng En: A 16th century text that follows monkey’s shenanigans on the way to enlightenment.

Tao Te Ching, by Lao Tzu: The basis of Taoism, feel the flow!

The Tao of Peace, by Diane Dreher: A brilliant analysis of the Tao that provides grounded ways of applying the concepts to life.

Jitterbug Perfume, by Tom Robbins: Tom Robbins mixes the sacred and the profane so very delightfully. His writing feels like Pan meets Jesus. (Which happens in Another Roadside Attraction…)

Conversations with God Series, by Neale Donald Walsh: Translates spiritual concepts through a western Christian’s perspective.

Jonathan Livingston Seagull: A story about a bird who knows that there’s more to living than meets the eye, he follows his heart even though the other sheep-birds think he’s bonkers.

The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, by Debbie Ford: This book is the reason I find myself engaging in shadow work daily, she makes befriending and balancing our difficult aspects somehow kinda fun. Genius.

The Valkyries, by Paulo Cohelo: A darker look at personal transformation, occult focused. (Loved The Alchemist as well, so many more of his to read!)

Eat Pray Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert: A woman’s quest for inner peace via traveling the globe; to indulge, intensely meditate, and to learn ancient wisdom from a medicine man.

Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury: A dystopian society, a seeker, and an enlightening young woman.

Proof of Heaven, by Eben Alexander: A neurosurgeon and skeptic falls into a coma and an experience of life after death.

On Spiritual Awakening

Spiritual awakening is the process of going from being enmeshed in the traditional “3D” experience of the world, to being consciously integrated into a spirit-centered experience – sounds so breezy, doesn’t it? Hahahaaaaaaaaa.

This quote by Adyashanti sums it up nicely, “Make no mistake about it – enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of…untruth. It’s seeing through the façade of pretense. It’s the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true.”

However, I do think that it makes us better, and it’s also totally worth it. (Plus, you can’t stop it anyways! So, unless you dig feeling lost, just lean in.)

Mine started with 11:11’s, coincidences, impassioned spiritual study, a cyst on my pineal gland, and hallucinogens all filling my world in my 19th year. Then there was a 5-day experience that a psychologist called a ‘mental break’ but my eastern philosophy professor dubbed ‘a spiritual awakening.’ After that, colors became more rich and stayed that way.

But there was much to come, especially once I committed, which took quite awhile (I’m telling ya, lean in now). Spiritual awakening is the process of becoming aligned with your soul’s plan for your life, so it usually involves significant change; and my story’s no different, everyone and everything in my life wholly changed. It shifted in phases, and they were not fun phases. But they were filled with magic too, with meaning and significance that made the ick seem almost irrelevant (and infinitely easier to handle).

And, now into my 37th year, I’m sure there’s still much to come! I’ve heard people talk about fully awakened humans (generally referring to themselves), but I’m not convinced that’s actually a thing. I feel like I’d need to master things like astral travel before I could even begin to know what I don’t know yet, there’s just so much to awaken to, to integrate into this worldly life…I’m not convinced anyone can do it all. (I look forward to seeing how I feel about it in my 94th year.)

What’s your take, can we gain fully integrated spiritual awareness from here? Is that what you think of as ‘the end’ of spiritual awakening? What’s your awakening been like? Please comment (or bust out an article!) with your experience and knowledge…

On Asshoolios.

Asshoolios. We all know ’em. Sometimes we even behave like ’em, don’t we? Most of us eventually see our err; and try to make good, hurt as it may. But there’s some that can never ever seem to see their own wrong doings…and these are the true asshoolios.

These guys don’t mean to be mean, it’s usually just their own unhealed wounds at the wheel, but they still hurt people and fuck up lives nonetheless. They need to be taught that this behavior isn’t effective, and, as a society, we really teach them the exact opposite.

When someone’s a dick (even to someone else, even while “joking,” even if they’re the boss) it’s tempting to shrink, to make yourself less noticeable so that heat’s not tempted to burn your way – but then they fucking win, man.

They dominate the exchange, and the heat’s rarely thrown back in their stupid faces; which is the whole point of their debacles, to deflect negative attention from their insecure asses.

Assholes often appear fuckless, but it’s a faux-fucklessness. It might scream “I do what I want!!,” but it’s actually just a precious security blankie, one they have no idea they’re clinging to. A warped mirror offered to the world instead of their authentic soul.

And that authentic soul would be cool AF someday, if only given the chance to play. To grow on purpose, to not only acknowledge their errs, but to make light of them, as they used to do at others’ expense.

They could make growth a shtick, or a company culture, industry standard, or cultural norm – because these fuckheads run this world. And it’s got to stop.

To this end, I vow to call these peeps on their shit more often, and to continuing to offer “yeahHhhhh!!’s” if someone braver starts first. And, more importantly, I vow to always be my weirdass self, even though she tends to take more of this ‘heat,’ it’s just worth it.

So, you with me?

Resilience and Compassion

I love this quote. After going through a difficult time, any semi-reflective person is likely to do some thinking on their weaknesses and faults; because how else does one avoid making the same mistakes?

But it’s easy to overdo ‘er. It’s common to not only own one’s errs, but to define ourselves by them, if only unconsciously. When you decide that you’ll never be good enough, things improving seems impossible. And the mental place of “why bother?” is no breeding ground for resilience.

Compassion for ourselves helps us get to a place of seeing ourselves as stronger and wiser for our mistakes, which makes trying again seem worth the effort and potential risks.

And compassion for others is how we become able to look at the world, and the people in it, as potentially trustworthy. This enables us to put ourselves “out there” again, one of many daunting-but-essential parts of getting to a place of resilience.

Becoming resilient is generally one that must be hard won, but the goods are mighty good indeed. Excited I stumbled onto the work of Sharon Salzberg today! All that just from reading one of her quotes, fun fun.

Fragile, Strong, Love.

OnPaste.20191215-154925Ah, vulnerability. In order to really love, we have to really trust, really allow ourselves to be seen. There’s no chance of telling yourself, “Well, they didn’t even really know the REAL ME if you’re vulnerable.”

Allowing yourself to be fully seen is indeed the only way to be fully rejected, but it’s also the only way to be really loved. Who cares if someone loves the facade of you that you’ve created for them? (Yet, the obviousness of the point doesn’t make it less tempting, does it? 🤣)

It’s scary to really put yourself out there with someone, to demonstrate your fragility – but it’s the only path to real connection.

Welcome a New Future NOW

There are many quotes within the spiritual world that are so ubiquitous, no one knows where they originated. One of these is, “What you resist, persists.”

Welcome the Future NOWWhen we wish part of our life would change, and we wish it A LOT – this is called contrast.

Focusing on the contrasted experiences in our worlds pretty standard, we’ve been conditioned to feel that this is responsible; even when all we’re doing is “worrying,” which is perhaps the most wasteful thing one can do with their energy.

I prefer Buckminster Fuller’s take: “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.”

When we’re trying to invite different experiences into our lives, new energies, we cannot focus on what we wish would fuck off. We must focus on building, on creation, which happens in this very moment. (Even if it’s pissing you off.)

What are you inviting in? New juju, or same ol’ shinola?

 

 

Thoughts on Authenticity

I love this quote. Authenticity sounds simple: “Just be yourself.” 

AUTHENTICITYBut in reality, presenting yourself without a safe facade can be tricky, it’s why I wrote my book! Being authentically yourself means being truly seen – something that requires vulnerability, transparency, and integrity.

And even though authenticity is a buzzword, it’s not actually what we expect from another in our culture… For instance, I write about cannabis for a living, which I LOVE; but being open about that means that some people think of a stoner stereotype and write me off at that. Poof! Done.

But that’s where integrity comes in. Do I want to be around people who don’t want me to be fully myself around them? That want me to skirt around my potential controversial aspects, or pretend they aren’t there? Is that how someone of character behaves?

It’s a grey area. Some could argue that it’s nicer to stay non-controversial. But I would argue that it’s a path to ignorance and crowd mentality. I think it’s our moral imperative to find and be the best, *most whole*, versions of ourselves; that it’s the whole fucking point of this “life” gig. 

#DoYou isn’t simple for most of us. Do it anyways.

 

Living: Spiritual-Style

I’m a spiritual person, which I also frequently describe as, “Spiritual, not religious” — so people don’t get confused. Here’s the difference: spirituality is your experience of the divine, and religion is learning about someone else’s experience. (Mysticism, paganism, and “witch,” one who manipulates energy, the unseen, are also terms I identify with; though I don’t usually introduce it as the latter, as it confuses people.) Spirituality brings depth and joy to the lives of millions, yet it’s not very well understood by our culture at large.

Spirituality can mean magical-feeling experiences that make you wonder if you somehow accidentally ate some ‘shrooms, or it can look like a daily ritual that helps you connect to deeper meaning, or a whole world of other experiences; the avenues to explore in spirituality are endless. While this makes it a never-ending and wildly satisfying path, it doesn’t make it the easiest to start down. Here’s some tips to get rolling.

  1. Meditate: Spirituality is all about connecting to a deeper wisdom that lies within, your intuition. And you’ll never ever learn how to do that if you don’t learn to get your mind to STFU! It’s really easy. All you need to do is sit or lie comfortably, and focus on your breath. When thoughts arise, let them go without judgement, and focus on your breath again. The more you do it, the better it will serve you.
  2. Read: You can start forming your philosophy on life by reading others’. Some of my recommendations for first picks are The Celestine Prophecy, Jonathan Livingston Seagull, Conversations with God, and The Four Agreements. (Here’s more.) I also highly recommend the movies Waking Life and i heart huckabees.
  3. Divinate: Divination is essentially asking the divine for advice. Tarot and oracle cards are my favorite ways; tarot can be explored like learning another language, but oracle cards come with books that explain the cards. There’s also: runes, dowsing, the I-ching, and scrying, among others. They can help you make decisions and help predict the energy of what’s coming next in your life.
  4. Google Stuff: Here’s some topics to start checking out — astrology, numerology, ascension, lightworker, dark night of the soul, shadow work, chakra cleansing, law of attraction, conscious evolution, intuition, sacred geometry, and starseeds. That should give you 20-bazillion more wormholes to fall down!
  5. Buy Stuff: Contrary to popular opinon, his alone will do absolutely fucking nothing. But, when powered with intention and dedication, stuff can be a great aid to your spiritual practice. Go to a new age store and see what you’re drawn to, but a few basics are: sage and palo santo for energy cleansing, gemstones, and books books books! I know I said books already, but there is no one book for this stuff; just many teachers who help point to wisdom that must be located within. So read up!
  6. Practice Gratitude: Gratitude is the attitude, man. Practicing regular gratitude brings you into the present moment; little things like noticing the amazing taste of your coffee, appreciating the way your body feels after a workout, or the fact that your car started today can help bring perspective and shake of nonsense whiny thoughts. Focusing on stuff you want brings more stuff you want. And same-same for the opposite…
  7. Community: Finding other people who are into this stuff is key. Check out bulletin boards at health food stores, yoga centers, and other places of conscious living. There’s also non-religious churches! Nontheistic is what you’re seeking, Unitarian Universalist churches and Jain centers are two great examples. The internet is also awesome (and so quick!) — just checking out hashtags of topics is likely to introduce you to people. Talking (or typing) with others about these things really helps ground the ideas, helps bring them into your everyday life.

Best wishes on your spiritual journey!!