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How I Lost All My F-cks

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Happy full moon and eclipse! ‘Tis supposed to be a time of change and transformation, of banning old limits that no longer suit us. I’ve been trying to prepare for the energies by preparing for things expected, nothing’s changed yet; but boy am I ready for it! C’mere new life. . If you (or those around you) don’t use the energies of eclipses intentionally, today’s also a great for DRAMA. So if you aren’t feeling theatrical, not a great day to poke any “bears.” Sending all the good juju 😘 . 📸: Bendy fun with my new camera toy yesterday. My back may bend itself in break feels if I dare to stand too long, I have to sleep with a pillow under my hand, and will likely never again read whilst lying on my belly — but I’ve got tricks! #spoonieproblems . . . . . . #health #wellness #astrology #fullmoon #eclipse #eclipseseason #change #growth #drama #hypermobility #spoonie #mixedbag #yoga #dance #gymnastics #camera📷 #content #levelingup #selfinvestment #spiritualgangster #spoonielife

Oooofta. Rough of body tonight but perky in spirit. Sleep has been evasive lately, I don’t know what I did to anger her. But her absence has caused great grief in my spasming shoulder, who’s desperately reaching up to hug my neck; who frankly seems to be appalled by the idea. #fuckfibro . Good day though! Got essay pitches in and other writing fun, then opened me a Roth IRA because you can do that with $10 now. (@acorns) I’m a long way from any sort of a plan, but those baby steps and intentions, man. (Acorns doesn’t do short-term savings features though, app recs??) . I also played around with my new camera tripod and remote, a small investment I’ve put off for years because I’m not particularly comfortable in front of the camera (tips welcome); I really don’t see why I can’t get a big enough following for a book deal by posting shots of trees and amusing graffiti. But that’s not how it works, apparently 🤷‍♀️ . I’ve given my YouTube a couple fairly wimpy attempts, let’s hope for that ol’ charmed third try! I have so much random information about the world cannabis, #spoonielife, and other passions like tarot to share — I so like the idea in theory. Then I watch myself and my inner mean girl comes out. (That cunt, haha.) Ah, the process of losing fucks in order to promote your book, #howilostallmyfucks — which does state that fucklessless, like enlightenment, can be rather a fleeting slippery fish. G’night 😘 . 📸: A painting I did in 2005, when I thought I knew from humiliating leadership. Yikes! (#refugeeswelcome) And middle of the night thoughts — “[Painting idea] What if Gaudi and Lisa Frank made a castle? Also, batter fried broccoli.” (What?? What does being a weed writer have to do with anything? 🤣💚) . . . . . . #fibromyalgia #medicalcannabis #resist #art #collage #randomthoughts #lisafrank #gaudi #cannabiswriter #freelancelife #chronicillnesswarrior #enlightenment #spiritualgangster #evolving #paradigm #paradigmshift #insecurities #innermeangirl #fucklessness #selfinvestment

I remember once crying in the bathtub as a little girl. I’d gotten a new My Little Pony, and when its tail got wet and tussled — the colors blended together to make a blech murky blah from a once pleasing palette. It truly upset me! And here we are, three decades later. I think my mane is fabulous, haha 🐴💜 . I also thought about my place/purpose in the universe and becoming a writer all the time, which I largely kept to myself back then. And I was obsessed with the color purple, a more obvious manifestation as I often refused to wear any other color. It’s funny to be approaching the age of 40 and feel so much closer to myself at age 6 than I did at 26, or even 16. . I wish I could interview her, that little me. See what else I’ve unconsciously strayed from and am likely to return to. Fully remember who I was before all of the hard learning and detours, get to combine that otherworldly innocence with earned wisdom. Discover what shame-evading masks I’ve yet to remove. And, of course, see what she thinks of my tattoo plans. (Whilst time traveling, I’d like 80-year-old me’s opines there too...) . A few real random thoughts, from me to you on this Friday night 😘 . . . . . #purplehair #purplehaircolor #purplehairdontcare #personalgrowth #selflove #shame #unlearning #masks #personaldevelopment #spiritualgangster #empath #indigo #indigochildren #memories #aesthetic #artistlifestyle #creative #randomthoughts #timetravel

I had a pretty darn rough start to the week, but had a great day of work/writing today; which I really needed. I’ve been working to honor the wisdom of listening to my body and emotions to decide how best to spend my time, something spiritually valuable — but also said to be practical in accessing flow, a state feeling akin to magic that can allow one to write very well, very quickly. . It’s been a couple weeks now, and though I’m not behind on budget goals due to a couple fun bonus income opportunities last week; I was starting to get anxious about when flow in regard to my beloved “day job” (#cannabiswriter) would come back — it’d been since before I left for San Diego since I’d really written about herb. But yesterday afternoon a desire to get back to it started ebbing in, and today I was a full-on writing machine! Good to be home. . 📸: In honor of Monday and Tuesday — a couple of days that led to my outlining an essay entitled, “Acting like an Asshole Needs to Stop Being Culturally Accepted” — here’s a few pics that make me smile: Doggy snuggles and my soft spiral blankey. @Teva still selling my comfy kicks, best shoes ever. Choosing kombucha, hopefully helping my gut health/endocannabinoid tone. And finally driving my dream car from two years ago, and taking the coincidence as a sign I’ll get my current dream car soon 🤞 . . . . . . #writer #writersofinstagram #flow #stateofflow #intuition #writerslife #wednesdaymotivation #wednesdaywords #freelancer #doodle #favoriteshoes #kombucha #guthealth #endocannabinoidsystem #health #fordcmax #hondacrz #simplepleasures #kindness #kindnessismagic #cannabislover

So, it looks like I have a cannabis deficiency. Sort of.⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ Our bodies make #endocannabinoids, which help the brain communicate with bodily systems; but the #endocannabinoidsystem (ECS) is delicate, and it can be thrown off-balance which results in not enough endocannabinoids to go around. ⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ I interviewed leading ECS scientist than Russo for @Leafly, he's found concrete proof that lack of endocannas can result in #fibromyalgia, #migraine, #IBS, and many other chronic illnesses (which is why exo-cannabinoids in cannabis help so much): https://bit.ly/2R6GyC5⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ Comprehensive study: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5576607/⁠⠀ ⁠⠀ #health #wellness #medicalmarijuana #cannabis

Insomnia strikes again, hello 5am. But I don’t have anything until late afternoon, and after the marvelous week I’ve had; I’m pretty tickled the culprit is excited mind/energies and not really #painsomnia, so whatever’s clever. Fibromyalgia means a constant threat of a flare in symptoms every time I test my limits, and I pushed HARD this week — with a big ol’ passssss!! Flying colors and all. (*knocks on wood that I still feel the same in 24 hours!* 🤣 #spoonieproblems) . I had several social occasions (a surprisingly major trigger), a 3+ hour walkabout, dog walks, a swim, usual 2x/day exercise, annnnd kept up with work fairly well; yet here I am, still doing a-ok. Hooray for summer heat FINALLY arriving, improving health matters! And so much fun was had, my goodness. It was the best week I’ve had in a very, very, very long time. And things on the horizon are looking fabulous. Grateful. . 📸: Fun at @stefanieginther’s pad, where said amazing week happened in and around. Flower arranging, hanging with a goofy dog in a bow tie, playing with rocks, reading tarot for friends, and even a hammock. (Did I say grateful already?) . . . . . . #grateful #grateful🙏 #gratitude #mondaymotivation #mondaymorning #goodmorning #insomnia #cantsleep #excited #flowerarrangement #makestuff #dogsitterlife #rocks #gemstones #colortherapy #tarot #hammock #spoonie #fibromyalgia

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