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How I Lost All My F-cks

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. . The ground is never shiny It doesn’t smell like the sky. Things might look basic, But there’s still those who never try. It’s California love. I so tried to think I was above. But you warm my bones, Make me watch my tones. Cause life here... It’s so worth this try.

YOU ARE SO FREAKIN’ WORTHY. Not that you need anyone to tell you that. (But, you know, just in case. Training wheels.)

I’m going to attempt being a Substitute Secretary on Monday! I was only up to ~32 hours at the dispensary and this 2-week temp gig is 40, so I’m a bit anxious to see how it goes, healthwise. (#fibromyalgia) Too much talking also zaps me right out and I’ll be on phones, gah. But it sounds like it should be a very relaxed pace, so hopefully it’ll be fine. I used to temp in Portland and the slow jobs were s-l-o-w, basically just sitting there holding down the fort. Hopefully it’s that sort of speed. . And even if I discover that I can’t do it: good to know, and they’ll pay me for as long as I can. Plus, it’ll be really nice to do more than send stuff out (primarily cover letters), like the last three weeks. Wooohoo for 2-way interactions! I also like that temping gives one the opportunity to spy into other little worlds, see what it’s like in an architect firm, auto parts company, or, in this case, an IBEW office. (#unionstrong) Thanks for all the sending of juju, it’s totally starting to work. A happy evening to you 😘 . 📸: Made my walk today! (In addition to 30/min PT! *pats self on back*) There’s an aquarium store down the street, a Mexican place that seems awesome, and also the weirdest art supply store ever. Like, they also sell baked beans and clown figurines...? Love. It.

Wouldn’t that be neat? My narrator would be all like, “And as she lost her temper at another automated telephone menu, furious that she was calling a social services agency on her own behalf at all — she had no idea what magical opportunities were about to light up her world...” (I highly recommend checking @official_morley out 😍) . #Repost @official_morley with @get_repost ・・・ “But little did he know that today was the day that everything would change.” **** My new book drops November 13th! Pre-order at the link in my bio!

When I was 13, I went on a bike ride with a couple of friends. One wanted to show us something. This was an intense time for all three of us, nothing was going right in our families and everything felt terrifying. It was the first time I remember feeling really scared about basic security issues, though far from the last. Real far. . We rode up and down windy Northern California roads until we reached an abandoned car, rusted and dead. My friend picked up a rock and looked at me devilishly, then chucked it at the rear window with all her might, smashing it with a satisfying CRASH. We beat the shit outta that car. I sure do wish I had one right now. . Must’ve cried for ten hours today. I’d get myself calmed down, get working on something, then whooooosh — another tear storm. It got real dark. Scary dark. It’s just been so hard for so long. I need more than struggling to keep my head above water. I might be pretty good at admiring the view from there and making the best of it, but fuck, man. This isn’t a life. Send juju that something gives. ❤️

I feel like this in my best moments. Enchanted by how life can be everything and it’s opposite, how balanced this hot mess can seem, how even the random can be full of meaning. Today’s not one of those days, sadly. Today’s kinda icky. But a quiet part of me quietly insists that this miserable day and even the angsty experiences that’s fueled it, are all part of the perfection. That one day I’ll get it. That my personal practice towards enlightenment, though futile (‘cause that road never ends), is not for naught; that the moments like truly getting this quote make it all worth it. . P.S. Have you seen this movie?? You *have* to see this animated philosophical adventure. Trust me. #wakinglife

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