Today was a big test, and I’d say I passed. But there were no flying colors, haha. I have #fibromyalgia and have been doing a stronger push to increase my activity levels, something that invariably leads to finding your limits the painful way; usually via symptom flares and/or “meltdowns,” which look like when a 5-year-old overdoes it and needs a nappity-nap. But instead it’s a grown ass woman who otherwise appears perfectly healthy.
.
I’ve been looking forward to tonight’s full moon meditation @thesaltloungelb for a couple weeks, but accidentally also made an appointment to get my wonky tooth fixed today — which I’ve been looking forward to since it went wonky back in middle school. (The dentist told me that it was probably due to fluoride in water, as some have that reaction. I also have a 5mm cyst on my #pinealgland, another area affected by fluoride, coincidence??)
.
But I digress — long story short, I was busy for 12 hours today with just an hour break, and mostly out in the world. Since I medicate with cannabis, this makes things tricky; it doesn’t help for very long after partaking and can’t be taken most places. I was doing well until about halfway through the meditation, when the pain amped up (as happens nightly). The soothing sounds and vibes kept me pretty level though, it was a really beautiful experience.
.
Then I tried to leave. Two Lyft drivers were bizarrely rude, and after 25 minutes and two cancellation fees — it was meltdown time. I screamed at the second driver that I’d get him fired and cried the whole third cab home, a swirling storm of emotion that had swirled right back away before I even got to my bong. I suspect the feels had more to do with energy (finally) moving due to the meditation than it did rude peeps, or even pain. Better out than in, eh? And I did do it. *shrugs, pats self on back*
.
📸: If you’re gonna get salty AF about a minor inconvenience, I suppose it might as well be after meditating under this sign. And with this newly-glowing smile. Hope you’re having a similarly expansive, but more emotionally balanced full moon-y evening 😘
I've been thinking about this #taoism concept a lot lately. Illness has forced me into creating a bit of a dream job schedule-wise (and in other wises too!), yet I've persisted in feeling bad for being unable to work normal-people hours.⠀
⠀
Sometimes this guilt results in my pushing through and trying to work anyways, but persistence doesn't enable one to work well over immense pain and/or fibro fog; leading to not-great and/or not-much work actually being accomplished. A complete waste of time.⠀
⠀
@emotion.l.contagion introduced me to a similar idea from the ancient Greeks, kairos, which means the right, critical, or opportune moment. M-F, 8-5 is not my opportune moment, not anything close. And that's okay.⠀
⠀
⠀
This quote sums up a spiritual concept that says the most efficient way to spend your time is to look within, and do what you want to do; that this will lead to right action, the kind of work that doesn't feel like work and leads to fantastic results.⠀
⠀
So I tested it. Not much got done for 1.5 days, not essay-writing, anyways — personal growth-y stuff and other writing — but not work that leads to an already agreed-upon paycheck. ⠀
⠀
Then at around 10pm the second night, during the time I often just try not to cry from pain, I quite suddenly got up and wrote most of an essay — cause I felt like it. And it was good. And it happened so fast, so fun.⠀
⠀
I've continued, with positive results! (Not a real shocker since I write about cannabis and adore it, of course I want to do it often.) There's plenty of time. Here's to being forced into a rather dreamy lifestyle!
#laotzu #taoism #time #rightaction #timemanagement #spoonie #spoonieproblems #cannabiswriter #freelancer #freelancewriter #writerslife #getigetit #grateful #gratitude #abundance
Ahhh, another satisfying day livin’ la vida Long Beach. (#dogsittinglife) I mostly worked, got to send off an essay about parents who meditate their chronic illnesses with cannabis — and, more specifically, the judgement they face and the harm it can do.
.
It means a lot to me to be doing this kind of work, being sick forever is a dangerously misunderstood situation; to the point where many #spoonies just accept, “Ableds don’t get it.” Like, that’s that. Don’t waste your precious energy trying to explain the minor issue of your LIFE — just buck up and try not to whine (but not so little they start saying you’re faking). You really can’t win. Happy to be doing my part to change things.
.
And, of course, my sweet little puppy dog friends are contributing to the lovely day. They’re asleep next to me and I just want to wake them up to tell them how cute they are, it’s really out of control. Hope your Thursday’s been thriving 😘
.
.
.
.
.
.
#longbeach #lbc #rosiesdogbeach #cannabiswriter #spoonieproblems #spoonielife #spooniecommunity #medicalcannabis #cannabisheals #medicalcannabis #writersofinstagram #beach #longbeachlife #belmontshorelb #doglove #grateful #gratitude #abledsareweird #thursdaythoughts #thursdayvibes #thursdayfeels
