On Asshoolios.

Asshoolios. We all know ’em. Sometimes we even behave like ’em, don’t we? Most of us eventually see our err; and try to make good, hurt as it may. But there’s some that can never ever seem to see their own wrong doings…and these are the true asshoolios.

These guys don’t mean to be mean, it’s usually just their own unhealed wounds at the wheel, but they still hurt people and fuck up lives nonetheless. They need to be taught that this behavior isn’t effective, and, as a society, we really teach them the exact opposite.

When someone’s a dick (even to someone else, even while “joking,” even if they’re the boss) it’s tempting to shrink, to make yourself less noticeable so that heat’s not tempted to burn your way – but then they fucking win, man.

They dominate the exchange, and the heat’s rarely thrown back in their stupid faces; which is the whole point of their debacles, to deflect negative attention from their insecure asses.

Assholes often appear fuckless, but it’s a faux-fucklessness. It might scream “I do what I want!!,” but it’s actually just a precious security blankie, one they have no idea they’re clinging to. A warped mirror offered to the world instead of their authentic soul.

And that authentic soul would be cool AF someday, if only given the chance to play. To grow on purpose, to not only acknowledge their errs, but to make light of them, as they used to do at others’ expense.

They could make growth a shtick, or a company culture, industry standard, or cultural norm – because these fuckheads run this world. And it’s got to stop.

To this end, I vow to call these peeps on their shit more often, and to continuing to offer “yeahHhhhh!!’s” if someone braver starts first. And, more importantly, I vow to always be my weirdass self, even though she tends to take more of this ‘heat,’ it’s just worth it.

So, you with me?

Tips for Fibromyalgia Fighters

I’m so sorry to hear you’re a fellow fibro fighter. It’s not easy to be diagnosed with any disease, but learning that you have one doctors cannot help you with can be profoundly defeating. I understand that you’re probably discouraged, but you’re definitely not alone – even if it feels that way sometimes, and I know it must.

A few tips:

  • Exercise will make you flare. Exercise will heal you. These things are both true, and it sucks: baby steps are key. I started out trying like hell just to get like 30 minutes a week in, done in like 90 second increments (I was bedridden though, hopefully you’re not as far gone). It really does add up, I promise.
  • Many fibro fighters have a mutation called MTHFR (which looks like another, apt, word 🤣). If you have it, you’ll want to cut out gluten and dairy and bulk up on methylated vitamins (especially methylcobalamin).
  • Cannabis help WORLDS! Fibromyalgia may be caused due to endocannabinoid deficiency, so the (exo-)cannabinoids in cannabis essentially act as a supplement.
  • Fibromyalgia has a very high correlation with physical and emotional trauma, which are also known to negatively impact the endocannabinod system; therapy and personal development can help ease your nervous system’s ridiculously painful reactions.
  • If you Insta, there’s a community of chronic illness fighters called spoonies that are wonderfully inspirational and informational.
  • Cymbalta doesn’t help most people and is HELL to go off of. I would never have done it if I knew how horrendous quitting was going to be. If you choose to try it, absolutely do not go off of it cold turkey and have emotional support ready. (Lyrica also did me no good, but Amitriptyline does help me sleep; though not as well as canna capsules.)
  • I discovered the Wim Hof method a couple months ago, which has been proved to release endocannabinoids (which you’re deficient in) and is also said to reset your immune and autonomic nervous systems. Some claim this has healed their fibro. I just do this video followed by a cold shower everyday (no bone pain from the cold, I swear!) and it seems to be helping in a few different ways! 

I hope that you’ve got understanding people around you, and in case you don’t: this is not in your head, you are not crazy, and you are not lazy.

And, most of all – YOU GOT THIS. ❤

On Spiritual Awakening

Spiritual awakening is the process of going from being enmeshed in the traditional “3D” experience of the world, to being consciously integrated into a spirit-centered experience – sounds so breezy, doesn’t it? Hahahaaaaaaaaa.

This quote by Adyashanti sums it up nicely, “Make no mistake about it – enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of…untruth. It’s seeing through the façade of pretense. It’s the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true.”

However, I do think that it makes us better, and it’s also totally worth it. (Plus, you can’t stop it anyways! So, unless you dig feeling lost, just lean in.)

Mine started with 11:11’s, coincidences, impassioned spiritual study, a cyst on my pineal gland, and hallucinogens all filling my world in my 19th year. Then there was a 5-day experience that a psychologist called a ‘mental break’ but my eastern philosophy professor dubbed ‘a spiritual awakening.’ After that, colors became more rich and stayed that way.

But there was much to come, especially once I committed, which took quite awhile (I’m telling ya, lean in now). Spiritual awakening is the process of becoming aligned with your soul’s plan for your life, so it usually involves significant change; and my story’s no different, everyone and everything in my life wholly changed. It shifted in phases, and they were not fun phases. But they were filled with magic too, with meaning and significance that made the ick seem almost irrelevant (and infinitely easier to handle).

And, now into my 37th year, I’m sure there’s still much to come! I’ve heard people talk about fully awakened humans (generally referring to themselves), but I’m not convinced that’s actually a thing. I feel like I’d need to master things like astral travel before I could even begin to know what I don’t know yet, there’s just so much to awaken to, to integrate into this worldly life…I’m not convinced anyone can do it all. (I look forward to seeing how I feel about it in my 94th year.)

What’s your take, can we gain fully integrated spiritual awareness from here? Is that what you think of as ‘the end’ of spiritual awakening? What’s your awakening been like? Please comment (or bust out an article!) with your experience and knowledge…

Fragile, Strong, Love.

OnPaste.20191215-154925Ah, vulnerability. In order to really love, we have to really trust, really allow ourselves to be seen. There’s no chance of telling yourself, “Well, they didn’t even really know the REAL ME if you’re vulnerable.”

Allowing yourself to be fully seen is indeed the only way to be fully rejected, but it’s also the only way to be really loved. Who cares if someone loves the facade of you that you’ve created for them? (Yet, the obviousness of the point doesn’t make it less tempting, does it? 🤣)

It’s scary to really put yourself out there with someone, to demonstrate your fragility – but it’s the only path to real connection.

Welcome a New Future NOW

There are many quotes within the spiritual world that are so ubiquitous, no one knows where they originated. One of these is, “What you resist, persists.”

Welcome the Future NOWWhen we wish part of our life would change, and we wish it A LOT – this is called contrast.

Focusing on the contrasted experiences in our worlds pretty standard, we’ve been conditioned to feel that this is responsible; even when all we’re doing is “worrying,” which is perhaps the most wasteful thing one can do with their energy.

I prefer Buckminster Fuller’s take: “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.”

When we’re trying to invite different experiences into our lives, new energies, we cannot focus on what we wish would fuck off. We must focus on building, on creation, which happens in this very moment. (Even if it’s pissing you off.)

What are you inviting in? New juju, or same ol’ shinola?

 

 

Thoughts on Authenticity

I love this quote. Authenticity sounds simple: “Just be yourself.” 

AUTHENTICITYBut in reality, presenting yourself without a safe facade can be tricky, it’s why I wrote my book! Being authentically yourself means being truly seen – something that requires vulnerability, transparency, and integrity.

And even though authenticity is a buzzword, it’s not actually what we expect from another in our culture… For instance, I write about cannabis for a living, which I LOVE; but being open about that means that some people think of a stoner stereotype and write me off at that. Poof! Done.

But that’s where integrity comes in. Do I want to be around people who don’t want me to be fully myself around them? That want me to skirt around my potential controversial aspects, or pretend they aren’t there? Is that how someone of character behaves?

It’s a grey area. Some could argue that it’s nicer to stay non-controversial. But I would argue that it’s a path to ignorance and crowd mentality. I think it’s our moral imperative to find and be the best, *most whole*, versions of ourselves; that it’s the whole fucking point of this “life” gig. 

#DoYou isn’t simple for most of us. Do it anyways.

 

Living: Spiritual-Style

I’m a spiritual person, which I also frequently describe as, “Spiritual, not religious” — so people don’t get confused. Here’s the difference: spirituality is your experience of the divine, and religion is learning about someone else’s experience. (Mysticism, paganism, and, more recently, “witch,” are also terms I identify with; the last having nothing to do with pointy hats or evil, but aspirations for a more grounded practice.) Spirituality brings depth and joy to the lives of millions, yet it’s not very well understood by our culture at large.

Spirituality can mean magical-feeling experiences that make you wonder if you somehow accidentally ate some ‘shrooms, or it can look like a daily ritual that helps you connect to deeper meaning, or a whole world of other experiences; the avenues to explore in spirituality are endless. While this makes it a never-ending and wildly satisfying path, it doesn’t make it the easiest to start down. Here’s some tips to get rolling.

    1. Meditate: Spirituality is all about connecting to a deeper wisdom that lies within, your intuition. And you’ll never ever learn how to do that if you don’t learn to get your mind to STFU! It’s really easy. All you need to do is sit or lie comfortably, and focus on your breath. When thoughts arise, let them go without judgement, and focus on your breath again. The more you do it, the better it will serve you.

    2. Read: You can start forming your philosophy on life by reading others’. Some of my recommendations for first picks are The Celestine Prophecy, Jonathan Livingston Seagull, Conversations with God, and The Four Agreements. (Here’s more.) I also highly recommend the movies Waking Life and i heart huckabees.

    3. Divinate: Divination is essentially asking the divine for advice. Tarot and oracle cards are my favorite ways; tarot can be explored like learning another language, but oracle cards come with books that explain the cards. There’s also: runes, dowsing, the I-ching, and scrying, among others. They can help you make decisions and help predict the energy of what’s coming next in your life.

    4. Google Stuff: Here’s some topics to start checking out — astrology, numerology, ascension, lightworker, dark night of the soul, shadow work, chakra cleansing, law of attraction, conscious evolution, intuition, sacred geometry, and starseeds. That should give you 20-bazillion more wormholes to fall down!

    5. Buy Stuff: Contrary to popular opinion, this alone will do absolutely fucking nothing. But, when powered with intention and dedication, stuff can be a great aid to your spiritual practice. Go to a new age store and see what you’re drawn to, but a few basics are: sage and palo santo for energy cleansing, gemstones, and books books books! I know I said books already, but there is no one book for this stuff; just many teachers who help point to wisdom that must be located within. So read up!

    6. Practice Gratitude: Gratitude is the attitude, man. Practicing regular gratitude brings you into the present moment; little things like noticing the amazing taste of your coffee, appreciating the way your body feels after a workout, or the fact that your car started today can help bring perspective and shake of nonsense whiny thoughts. Focusing on stuff you want brings more stuff you want. (And samesies for the opposite… 😮)

    7. Community: Finding other people who are into this stuff is key. Check out bulletin boards at health food stores, yoga centers, and other places of conscious living. There’s also non-religious churches! Nontheistic is a helpful term here, Unitarian Universalist churches and Jain centers are two great examples. The internet is also awesome (and so quick!) — just checking out hashtags of topics is likely to introduce you to people. Talking (or typing) with others about these things really helps ground the ideas, helps bring them into your everyday life.

Best wishes on your spiritual journey!!

How to dissolve cheap beer hiccups with meditation.

I’m sure I learned what meditation was sometime before my early-aughts college experience, but I didn’t spend much time absorbing the concept until then. I had an Eastern Philosophy teacher that is still probably the most self-assured person I’ve ever met.

He genuinely did not give a shit about what anyone thought of him, as he said, “other people’s thoughts are none of my business.” I found him to be hilarious, and always unintentionally so. (The best kind of funny.)

He said the purpose of meditation was to widen the gaps between thoughts, allowing for observation of the peaceful quiet that exists behind them. And that we’d enjoy a more pleasant mindspace as a result. He shut off the lights, had us put our heads in our folded arms, and asked us to focus on our breathing. Whenever we had a thought we were supposed to acknowledge it without judgment, let it go, and return to our breathing.

Most of the time I thought about a guy, wondered if he liked me. Thought about how cute he was. Replayed our recent conversations. I kept returning back to my breath just to have my mind pipe up again, “He’s so cute.  He reminds me of Floyd from Dazed and Confused…”

But then it happened, I thought—“…………..”, for a few solid seconds.

“Oh! And that’s the same dude as in Out Cold!” — But it had happened, however briefly, I experienced my first sizeable gap between thoughts.  I wanted more of that peaceful feeling. (And, apparently, whomever that dude was.)

Though I enjoyed the peace I discovered in that philosophy class…I lacked focus. The first real application of meditation to my life was using it to get rid of the hiccups. I drank a lot of cheap beer quickly in those days, so I’d get them pretty frequently. At some point, I realized that all of the solutions offered up (swallow a spoonful of sugar, stare at the ceiling whilst hopping on one foot, BOO!) were all just various ways of *not thinking* about the hiccups.

So I tried using meditation to do so, and low and behold — it worked like a charm! In those days most of my meditation was done in graffiti-covered bathroom stalls. Focusing on my breath, calming my mind, and dissolving those cheap beer hiccups.

 

Weekly Fuckless Tarot

 Fuckless Tarot – September 2nd-8th, 2019

Hey there! This week we start out reconsidering our nostalgic ties, mending those that need love, letting release of ties that bind, or the cacophony of growing-up related issues the 4 of Cups (Reversed) symbolizes — stay true to you, now, and then.

Mid-week things are trying to get luxurious and full of independent freedom with the Nine of Pentacles (Reversed), but there’s a block. Blocks in wonderful energy just mean an imbalance of some sort, so examine these areas — are you craving or valuing your independent successes too much?

But things get good for the weekend. The Six of Wands is all about celebration and achievement, baby. Rejoice in the things in life that you’ve propelled forward, and enjoy every freakin’ second of jubilation. You already got this…now get it, get it. 😉

 Fuckless Tarot – August 25th-September 1st, 2019

This week starts of with a need to be proactive about finding balance in our lives. Look for ways to balance your behaviors, are you yin-ing for all your yang? Are you doing *too much* of this and *not enough* of that? Or, it could be that you need to mix it up – try adding an unusual element to your routine, or introduce friends who’ve never met. Finding balance often takes dancing in contrast, so don’t be afraid to test the waters.

Midweek we’ve got the Queen of Swords keeping it blunt, but lighthearted. She’s direct, she’s saucy, and she’s either going to help you learn some truth, or help you learn to deliver it. (It’s almost definitely the one that made you feel more nervous, sorry. 🤣❤) Be honest with others, be generous with humor, and don’t take things too personally; whilst also gleaning the wisdom of solid advice.

And this weekend’s got a head’s up to be on the lookout for sneaks. The Seven of Swords is all about using means to get what you want that may or may not justify the ends, and when it’s reversed it’s got an extra dose of warning. The sneak could be someone else, so don’t get dicked over, but it also could be *you* who’s considering acting without integrity – so ask yourself if you’re doing your best this weekend, and ask it often…while also expecting the same from others.

Have a wonderful week. 😘

 Fuckless Tarot – August 19th-25th, 2019

This week’s off to a luxurious beginning, with the luminous 9 of Pentacles. Monday through early Wednesday, look for opportunities to cherish some “me time,” a perfect time to treat yo’self.

Midweek through early Friday, maybe close that wallet again – the 4 of Pentacles hails a time of needing to balance expenditures, but it could also mean to watch out for being stingy-minded. (Are you feeling guilty about that treat yo’self??)

And for the weekend, we’ve got another busy one – the 2 of Pentacles (R) reminds us to prioritize. Write a list of your “fucking must get dones” and see to them first, this card is reversed so it does point to extra challenges in accomplishing everything you’d like. Back-up plans are good, and staying present really helps prevent fuck ups: Be. Here. Now.

Have a fabulous week!! 😘

Fuckless Tarot – August 12th-18th, 2019

Ooopsie daisies. I did remember to make you a weekly tarot video, but I also got great news; and when I get excited I also get bajiggity in my nervous system (#spoonieproblems) and do silly things like accidentally record timelapse video… D’oh!

So, in text:
Early Week = The emotional stability of the Queen of Cups, reflect, nurture, get spiritual.
Midweek = The conviviality of the Queen of Wands, get social and connect.
Weekend = Page of Swords (reversed), watch out for “foot in mouth,” a time for lessons in communication, youths may be sassy.

(Better half-assed tarot than no-assed?)

Fuckless Tarot – August 5th-11th, 2019

Energies are looking busy for our first reading, with much to manage and prioritize. Mercury just went direct a few days ago, and we’re still in the shadow; so this could be about unplanned projects/obstacles returning, or things you’ve been working on taking longer than planned. Don’t worry though, time is ripe for fresh beginnings. (Remember: Do the same thing, get the same results. Patterns are cages.)

I’m excited to be working on my YouTube again, which I attempted during my homelessness journey – but I couldn’t really commit, for obvious reasons. Honestly, the videos (mostly about chronic illness) make me feel pretty fucking proud of myself. I’m such a crazy lil’ trooper.

Have a fabulous week!

My Words, Their Website: Published Fun

I like to write about all kinds of things, but since becoming acquainted with the infotastic publication Leafly in mid-2019, most of my published writing has filed under wellness – exploring the fascinating realm of cannabis and how it affects our bodies and lives.

I’m working on shifting my income, which hopefully will allow me to start collecting bylines and writing more generally again; so be sure to check back for more variety in coming months.

Topics I plan to pitch in coming months: spoonie advocacy, all the health tips, cultural conditioning and social justice, autism and HSPs, as well as how to integrate mysticism into modern living.

Thanks for checking out my words, hope your day’s a goodie 😘

Cannabis Writing

Leafly Med/Endocannabinoid System:
Home DNA Kits Can Help You Pick a Cannabis Strain
Canna Pioneer Launches Company to Unlock the Endocannabinoid System
Why is it So Hard for Medical Cannabis Patients to Get High?
How to Prepare for Your First Psychedelic Mushroom Trip
Does Endocannabinoid Deficiency Play a Role in These Common Illnesses?
Why Isn’t the Endocannabinoid System Taught in Medical Schools?
Can Orgasms Help Your Endocannabinoid System?
What it’s like to be a Kid who Medicates with Cannabis
What It’s Like to Be a Parent Who Medicates With Cannabis
Endometriosis Is Painful as Hell. At Least There’s Cannabis
Here’s What Symptom Relief with Cannabis Feels like for MED Patients
5 Medical Conditions Psychedelics May be Able to Help Treat
The Stoner’s Guide to the Wim Hof Method
Does Cannabis Make You Poo?
The ‘Sleepy’ Cannabinoid CBN Might Not Actually Be Sedating
How Cannabis Helps ‘Spoonies’ Soothe the Symptoms of Chronic Illness

Leafly Culture:
How is a Cannabis Pill Made? Its Journey from Seed to Capsule
How to Prepare for Your First Psychedelic Mushroom Trip
Why ‘Marijuana’ Should Have Always Been Called ‘The Gage’
How to Tell Legal from Illegal Cannabis Dispensaries in California
Do Anti-Drug Campaigns Actually Work?
Cannabis Can Make You More Creative—But It’s Complicated
Cannabis Church Founder Runs for Indiana Governor

6 Stoney-Yet-Productive Self-isolation Activities
End-of-life Hospital Care in California Could Soon Include Cannabis
What’s Next for Psychedelic Decriminalization?
Seniors Celebrating Cannabis
6 Weird Ways to Consume Cannabis
Are We Turning CBD Into Snake Oil?

Civilized: Are We Made for Weed? How to Boost Your Endocannabinoid System With Cannabis

Huffington Post: 10 Things I Learned Working at a Cannabis Dispensary
Green Cross of Torrance (entire blog)


Personal Essays and Other Fun

SheKnows:
How a Vitamin Deficiency Nearly Killed Me
What I Learned from Months of Being So Sick I Couldn’t Leave My Studio Apartment Sans Help
My Weight Made Me Invisible and I Kinda Miss It
My Sex Life Needed Some Time Off: Lessons from Abstinence

Elephant Journal:
What I Learned During My Time in Prison

Offbeat:
6 Lessons for Introverts That Love People Time
How I Stopped Giving a Shit about My Size
Single Living vs. Couple Living: Game On
7 Tips for the Chronically Ill

LifeHack:
8 Quotes from “Say Anything” that Teach Us to Rock at Life
How Losing Someone’s Approval Can Set You Free

Tiny Buddha:
Do you constantly think about your relationships?
How to Live a Full Live and Smile Your Way Through It

Long Beach Post:
Being Homeless in Long Beach

Yogi Approved:
5  Tips to Support a Seriously Struggling Friend

The Mighty:
How I Learned There’s No Shame In Being Ill 

Southeast Living:
Juneau, My Two-Faced Love.
Chronic Illness Gets Even Worse in the Winter: Here’s How You Can Help

XoJane (R.I.P. Jane Magazine, you were beloved.):
How I Went Gluten and Dairy Free without Losing My Damn Mind
How to Throw a Fundraiser for a Cause You LOVE